STRAW Fail

I saw this at a wedding shower & couldn't resist! FAIL.

5 signs your family watches too much children’s television

 

——–

#5: Your husband refers to June on Little Einsteins as “the hot one”… and you know exactly who  he is talking about.

#4: Even after 7 years you still haven’t forgiven Steve for leaving Blue’s Clues, and you refer to his replacement, Joe, as “Cousin Oliver”.

#3: You come downstairs in the morning to find your husband watching The Wiggles… and your children are still in bed

#2: You have spent way too many minutes of your life worrying about whether or not Bob the Builder & Wendy are EVER going to finally get together

And finally, the #1  sign that your family watches too much children’s television:

Your 4-yr-old wants to be Thomas the Tank Engine for Halloween. Guess what he was last year? Thomas.  Guess what he was the year before that?  Thomas.  And if Big Brother is dressed as Thomas, guess what Little Brother will have to be?  That’s right, THOMAS.  Not Percy, not James, Thomas.  TWO tiny Thomas the Tank Engines, THREE years in a row.

 

(original list by My Platypus Life)

5 Simple Steps

 

Want to drive your Germophobic/Borderline Obsessive-Compulsive wife over the edge?  

Follow these 5 Simple Steps and you won’t be disappointed~ 

Step 1:    Fill the kitchen trash can beyond capacity so that there is no way possible to get the lid off without spilling garbage onto the floor.

Step 2:    Place a used coffee filter, full of used grounds, teetering precariously on the very top of said pile of garbage.  This will ensure that it will eventually fall to the floor~ creating a HUGE mess and spreading the germs that it absorbed from the garbage.

Step 3:    Walk through the forbidden zone of germs and mess before your wife has had adequate time to complete her cleaning and decontamination rituals.

Step 4:    Proceed to walk all over your ENTIRE house, leaving a invisible trail of germs in your wake.

Step 5:  Wear shoes while you conduct this walk of shame, in clear violation of the~  “We don’t wear shoes in the house because heaven knows where those shoes have been” Rule.  That way you are not only spreading garbage germs, you are also spreading deadly shoe sole mystery germs. 

Enjoy the show!

History in the making

You have to admit, no matter what your political views, that tomorrow is a REALLY BIG DAY for the United States of America.  The inauguration of the first African-American President.  The air is crackling with excitement.  You can see sparks of it everywhere.

My family had traveled to visit MapMan’s Pittsburgh-born parents (who have since relocated South).  We wanted to be together to watch the Steelers secure their ticket to the Super Bowl… more on that in another post- WOOHOO!!!!!  On the way home we were traveling North-bound on the highway and passed loads of military & police vehicles headed to the inauguration.  There was a full convoy of military vehicles, all of the soldiers dressed in camouflage.  There was also a group of 8 police officers driving motorcycles and traveling in parade formation.  They were already honoring the new President en-route, never breaking formality until they pulled up to a rest stop and heard the order “DIS-MOUNT!”  It was very impressive, very exciting.  Everyone at the rest stop was marveling at them. 

Thomas and I walked over to the line of motorcycles and the officers were VERY friendly.  One was even a WOMAN!  You GO, girl!  They confirmed that they were headed to the Inauguration, and I commented on the poor biking conditions.  “NAH!” the female officer remarked, “This is a walk in the park on a spring day for us!”

As we headed into the restroom I was trying to teach Thomas a little about our country and the significance of tomorrow.  Finally Thomas asked, “When are we gonna see that guy?” 

“Tomorrow,” I replied.

“TOMORROW!?”  Thomas wailed. 

I was very confused as to why he was so upset.  “What’s wrong?” I asked him.

“I want him to give us our present NOW!  A present for our United States puzzle!”

“Oh, sweetie, not PRESENT… President.  And the puzzle we have at home shows the place where we live, the United States.  Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States.  Not a present of a United States puzzle.” 

I could hear someone giggling behind us, and an elderly African-American lady emerged.  She was beaming and her eyes were twinkling, obviously tickled by our conversation.  We chatted about Thomas’s age and the motorcycles outside.  “This is an exciting time!”  she told us, and was obviously pleased that I had been teaching my child about it. 

Her excitement was contagious.  It made me happy to see her looking so, well, THRILLED.  It IS a thrilling time.  It transcends party lines.  It is HISTORY and it is EXCITING.  The first African-American President.  I pray that this can help create some healing and promote a greater sense of unity in our country.  I also love the juxtaposition of Martin Luther King Day being celebrated just 1 day prior.  How fitting.  How deeply moving. 

When we got home I showed Thomas some pictures on the computer to further explain the Presidents and a little bit about our country.  I found out that Thomas had hoped ”that guy” was going to give us some new pieces to go with our floor puzzle of the United States.  I told him that until something changes we will have to stick to 50 (for the 50 states, I know a lot of you are not American). 

Later that night in the bathtub I heard him telling Percy about “O-barack Obama, our new President tomorrow.”

“BARACK,” my husband corrected him.

“NO, not THAT, silly!”  Thomas laughed, “It’s O-barack!”

 I guess I have a little more to teach him.

 

Postscript- 1/20/2009:   So much for racial healing.  I just heard the prayer by The Rev. Dr. Joseph E. Lowery… “that yellow will be mellow, red will get ahead, and white will embrace what is right“.    Did he really need to go there during the Inauguration Ceremony?  I just felt all of the excitement sucked right out of me and I feel sick to my stomach.

The most wonderful time of the year!

 

 

Do you all know what the most wonderful time of the year is??  Why, Post-Christmas bargain shopping time, of course! 

I kid… sorta.  Not really.  I am currently fighting off the urge to go out and indulge in another round of frenzied cosumerism.  

I hope all of you had a wonderful, wonderful holiday full of love and laughter.  Our holiday was kinda unusual.  It was a “Christmas Story” sort of Christmas, I will write more about it later.  Short version: it was disrupted by the dreaded INFLUENZA.  Mapman tested positive for it after waiting THREE HOURS at a doc-in-a-box on Christmas Eve.  Junky way to spend that special day.  Not what we had in mind.   Then he spent most of the next 2 days sleeping.  It was lonely sometimes.

By the way, he was the first case of Flu at that office this season, and one of the very first in the state.  Always the leader, my husband.   

I then had to schlep the kids alone to my Mom’s for Christmas Eve.  Then we totally MISSED two family gatherings on Christmas Day.  As disappointed as I was, I still found Christmas and shall keep it in my heart all year through.  I know I have a lot to be thankful for and spent Christmas Day making memories with the three people I love the most (when my husband was awake).  We made very merry, thank you very much.

By the way, I think it may have been good that we didn’t do the holiday family crush as we had planned, which was spending the night at my Mom’s Christmas Eve, & then his Mom’s Christmas Day.  Instead we spread it out and finished family celebrations yesterday because Mapman is finally feeling better (thank you, Tamiflu).  Even with that little bit Percy has been in meltdown mode and really having a hard day today.  I shudder to think how hard things COULD have been on him.  For those of you who don’t know, my son has an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  Too much stimulation and disruption in routine can create explosive results.

Anyway, the day after Christmas I got to go to one of my very favorite events– the Target HALF-OFF HOLIDAY SALE!!!!!  Do any of you recall the debacle of the post-Easter sale?  This time I went SANS kids.  It was glorious.  I know you want to hear about it! 

Too funny to pass up

This had me rolling.  Sorry about the language…

Poor Monkey

Those are words I never thought I would say- “Poor monkey”.  It all stems from a  childhood incident with one that apparently left me scarred for life.  So much so that if even just a squirrel comes too close to me I take off running.  Don’t trust monkeys.  Nope nope nope.  They are all furry and teethy and scary and generally up to no good. 

But when I saw this headline, “Woman ‘pregnant’ with monkey convicted of smuggling” I just HAD to read it.  And I actually found myself feeling sorry for the monkey.  I mean, that is just plain WRONG.  “Congratulations!  It’s a monkey!”  And did you see the picture?  The little guy looks… almost… CUTE.

Did I just say that?

What is wrong with me?

Fun with FEVERS

Wow, yesterday was ROUGH.  Thomas is sick, Percy is sick, and Mommy is EXHAUSTED!  Both boys are quite crabby and understandably miserable, too.  And then there was the throw-up drama.  DRA-MA!!!  Gross out alert: STOP READING HERE if you have a weak stomach!  But then you will miss the chance to point your finger at my life and laugh, laugh laugh…

Happy Birthday, Thomas!!

Thomas, my firstborn, turns 4 this week.  FOUR.  Before my eyes my adorable preschooler is slipping away forever and he is turning into a BOY.  I am so excited to see him grow, and so proud of the boy he is becoming, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t also a little sad.  In honor of his birthday I post this video with the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song… AND a Happy Birthday serenade by 50 Cent.  I stumbled across it on YouTube and it cracked me up.  Some people have waaaay too much time on their hands!  I also would like to take this opportunity to share some of the latest “Thomas-isms”.  If I don’t write them down, I forget.  We think we won’t ever forget those precious memories, but believe me, we do. 

He has been really making me laugh lately with the way his little mind works.  For example, I was fixing his hair and commented on his cow-lick.  Confused, he asked, “What’s a cow-lick?”  And when I told him, he responded, “Ohhhh… why not a PIG-lick?”

Fire! Fire!

It appears that I am trying very hard to burn my house down… or at least my kitchen.  TWO nights in a row!

The only damage is to my oven mitts, thankfully.  And maybe temporarily to our lungs.  Last night I set an oven mitt on a hot burner not realizing it was still on.  I thank God that someone was in the room to see the flames!  I grabbed it, burning, and ran out of the house into the rain.  (It is still lying on my front porch, btw)  -Phew- It STUNK!!  I had company for dinner, too!  We had to throw open the windows to let out the toxic fumes.  It was FREEZING!  And the lovely aroma of chicken picatta and garlic bread was overpowered by FUNK.

Then poor Thomas had an asthma attack this morning… was it the smoke?

So tonight I was again cooking.  I noticed the hot burner was askew, probably because of the commotion last night.  I thought I could straighten it, and silly me… figured, oven mitts are made to withstand heat, it can touch the burner for just a SECOND.  Welllll… No, no they can’t, lol.  As I saw a red glow and smoke appear I thought, “You gotta be kidding me, I did it AGAIN??!!??” and threw it in the sink to run water on it.

So now I am down TWO oven mitts, if any of you were wondering what to buy me for Christmas…