Silence is not always golden

I am what you would call wide open.  If I am in pain I don’t ignore it, I EMBRACE the pain… and talk about the pain to anyone who will listen.  I think that it is important to explore our feelings in order to grow and learn from our life experiences, painful or not.  I also hope that by sharing my experiences they may be a help to others.  I HATE those taboo subjects that no one is supposed to bring up.  We have WAY too many of those in my family and I find it exceedingly dysfunctional.  I think that we give those painful & awkward things even greater power over us by keeping them hidden.  Yes, I know that everyone processes emotions differently, I get that. I just have a hard time when someone brings up a touchy subject and is greeted with an uncomfortable SILENCE. *cricket*cricket*

I have encountered a LOT of this lately when I bring up the subject of my youngest son’s Autism Diagnosis.  This has been a life changing event and it has greatly impacted the life of my family– in ways both good and bad, I’ll be honest.  So I tell people.  I am NOT ashamed.  I want them to know about our life so that I can help raise awareness and increase sensitivity.  I want them to know WHY I may not attend certain social functions or keep cancelling plans.  I want them to know WHY my son (or other children with special needs) acts the way he does so people don’t feel the need to secretly gawk.  I want them to know that when they see a child having a meltdown in a grocery store it would be more useful for them to offer to hold open a door, not whisper about “out of control brats & poor parenting”.  I want to help reduce prejudice & fight a lot of misinformation out there.  And also I just flat out like to talk… and this journey has give me a LOT to talk about!      

So Autism is obviously one of my major topics of conversation.  (By the way, it is a REAL mood killer at parties!)  Recently I have reconnected with a LOT of people from my High School via Facebook, and have told many of them about our new journey.  I say something to the effect of, “I am currently staying at home with my 2 boys ages 2.5 and 4 (only 17 months apart!!), one of whom has an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  It has changed our lives… and also opened some new doors for me.  I am becoming active in disability advocacy and special needs ministry.  I facilitate a support group for parents at my church (as a a layperson, but it is good to get to use my seminary training somehow!) and it has been an amazing experience.  I am also helping the church start a special needs ministry for the kids and I hope to work in a related area once the kids are older. “ 

So I am putting myself out there, taking the time to tell people what is going on with me.  I also take the time to ask about what is going on with them, too!  And you know what I get all too often?  SILENCE. 

Hooray! It’s “Give Someone a Genuine Compliment Day”!

I am so excited that today is “Give Someone a Genuine Compliment Day“!  Haven’t heard of it?  Maybe that’s because I invented it.  Yeah, that’s right, I made it up… so what of it?  Today still ROCKS! 

This day is in part inspired by my 4-year-old, Thomas, who declared- “We love each other on Valentine’s Day!”   And then I started thinking… how often do we take time to REALLY love each other?

“Give Someone a Genuine Compliment Day” is also a positive alternative for those of you who HATE Valentine’s Day.  I have a few friends, single AND married, who were dreading today.  They HATE it.  I get that.  Single people who don’t want to be single are made to feel extra lonely on Valentine’s Day, and coupled people are under all this pressure to create the the perfect day and feel/be overtly romantic.  A woman is set up to be disappointed, and her man is set up to fail to meet her lofty expectations.  Feh.  Don’t get me wrong, I think romance is good and necessary.  But I also think romance operates better when it happens freely and spontaneously, and not under so much duress and expectation.

Let’s think beyond romantic love today.  I think it is also wonderful, and SO important, just be LOVING!

Let’s Keep Christmas

Henry Van Dyke wrote these words are approximately 100 years ago, yet they still hold just as much truth today.  I clipped it out of my newspaper last year… and kept it up ALL year to remind me.  That’s the whole point.

Keeping Christmas by Henry Van Dyke

Are you willing…

to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you;

to ignore what the world owes you, and to think what you owe the world;

to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground;

to see that men and women are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy;

to own up to the fact that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life;

to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness.

Are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.

I know how that chipmunk feels!

This week I witnessed one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen in my whole life.  A chipmunk ran right into the waiting paws of a cat!  Poor chipmunk.  I know how it feels.

My neighbor’s cat and a chipmunk were both in the street as I was driving out of my neighborhood.  This cat has fully embraced his predatory nature, and he had probably been toying with the chipmunk for a while.  I am sure the chipmunk was already disoriented from that experience.  The cat saw me coming and crossed the street, stopping to rest under a car.  The chipmunk finally decided that getting out of the way of my minivan was a good idea, so it staggered across the street, under the car, and ran right into the belly of the cat!  Bam!  It bounced off the cat’s belly, tried to run, but was stopped by a furry paw.  The cat didn’t act surprised at all, calmly picking up the helpless chipmunk by the tail with his teeth and trotting across the street with his prize.  It was almost like he expected it!  “HA!  The little chipmunk fell right into my evil trap!”  That’s right, I said EVIL.  Not a big cat fan, gotta be honest with you.  And yes, I realize that chipmunks are very similar to mice, but this chipmunk was NOT in my house, so therefore I felt sorry for him… unlike the mice in my garage whose demise I recently orchestrated.  I guess in that case I was the cat, but I digress. 

Poor chipmunk.  I bet it was thinking, “Are you KIDDING me???!!??”  I immediately had to call a friend and say, “You won’t believe what I just saw!”  And then I started to wonder… how many times have I been that chipmunk?  I could SO relate!

I had a feeling today might not be a good day…

As I was getting ready for church this morning I began to have an uneasy feeling in my stomach that something bad was going to happen.  I don’t get these very often, but when I do I am rarely wrong.  The feeling grew.  Then as I walked down the steps I heard my almost 4-year-old say out of the blue, “I don’t like Mommy anymore.” 

I was stopped dead in my tracks.  Did I hear that right?  “What did you say?”  He repeated it AGAIN.  “WHY?”  I asked.  “Because you make loud sounds,” he replied, and my heart broke into a million pieces.

By “loud sounds” my son means yelling.  Yep.  Sometimes I yell.  I don’t want to.  But sometimes I get so tired and frustrated and I just, just… GAAHHH!  I hate it when I get like that.  (See The Mom I Do Not Want to Be)  And now to see that it has changed my son’s opinion of me makes me feel awful.  Truly awful.  I went to church with a sinking heart, eager for wisdom and comfort.

I wish I could say that the day got better from there.

“Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley

This was sent to me by my lovely friend Widdle Shamrock.  I think it can speak to any of us who have experienced the shock of realizing our life has not turned out like we planned.   

I adore tulips. 

 

“Welcome to Holland”  by Emily Perl Kingsley 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

 

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

 

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

 

I Wonder about “Tropic Thunder”

To see or not to see?  That is the question many are asking about the new movie “Tropic Thunder”.  In this movie there is a mocking depiction of an actor who portrays individuals with special needs.  The internet is ablaze with articles and comments firmly divided on the subject.  I am leaning towards NOT see.  Let me tell you why.  Better strap on your thinking cap… 

Steven Curtis Chapman on “Larry King Live” 8/7, 9pm ET

Here is a thoughtful article from CNN.com about the Chapman family, their loss, and their heart for adoption.  Our Tragedy and God’s Love for Orphans.

Steven painted a beautiful image of adoption’s spiritual symbolism: “My wife and I had always supported the idea of adoption, and as Christians, we understood the importance of loving and caring for others. But what I had not yet grasped was that adoption is a physical picture of what Jesus has done for me. I did nothing to deserve God’s love; in fact, I was living as an orphan, without hope. Yet God chose to pursue a relationship with me, and through the death of his son Jesus, I was adopted into God’s family.”

Steven will be on Larry King Live tonight to talk about their grief and their faith.  I rarely watch TV, but I will tonight!

Little Maria was killed in a tragic accident in the driveway of the family home. Organizations like Kids and Cars strive to raise safety awareness and help prevent further non-traffic vehicular incidents.  Another wonderful non-profit is  Annabelle’s Angels,  started by a family who tragically lost their child in a backover accident.  I highly encourage you to read more about blind spots and Rear Safety awareness.

Previous posts on the Chapman Family:

Maria Sue Chapman

Memorial Service for Maria Sue Chapman

Which story do YOU like better?

Sometimes in life there are rules, but we still have a choice as how to respond.  Two different situations at the mall, two very different responses that really stuck with me.  One made me feel a little queasy, the other made me grin from ear to ear.  It made me think about what impression I leave on other people.

New Title, New Mission!

I have changed my blog’s title and tagline to the following- My Platypus Life: Awe and Angst, Ranting and Rejoicing 

What do you think?  I think it better reflects where I am in my journey now.  My life is very “platypus”, and you all get to share with me as I go through the ups and downs.  I love how diverse and unique my life can be (and also mundane), even if that means that there are challenges.  I am going to try and rejoice more than I rant from now on (though I do not underestimate the therapeutic power of a good rant!).  I truly appreciate the neurodiversity reflected in my house, even though aspects of it are exhausting.  Actually, I have found this whole process fascinating.  I talk about Autism issues and neurodiversity and disabilism a LOT now.  I have been excited by the opportunity to meet and reach out to and even help new people.  I can actually say that I have been blessed by this experience.  I cry a LOT, but I have still been blessed.  One potential danger is that since I am not ashamed, and talk freely about the subject, people may not see my children for who they really are beyond the labels and struggles.  I have two beautiful and smart and sweet and happy and unique boys.