Silence is not always golden

I am what you would call wide open.  If I am in pain I don’t ignore it, I EMBRACE the pain… and talk about the pain to anyone who will listen.  I think that it is important to explore our feelings in order to grow and learn from our life experiences, painful or not.  I also hope that by sharing my experiences they may be a help to others.  I HATE those taboo subjects that no one is supposed to bring up.  We have WAY too many of those in my family and I find it exceedingly dysfunctional.  I think that we give those painful & awkward things even greater power over us by keeping them hidden.  Yes, I know that everyone processes emotions differently, I get that. I just have a hard time when someone brings up a touchy subject and is greeted with an uncomfortable SILENCE. *cricket*cricket*

I have encountered a LOT of this lately when I bring up the subject of my youngest son’s Autism Diagnosis.  This has been a life changing event and it has greatly impacted the life of my family– in ways both good and bad, I’ll be honest.  So I tell people.  I am NOT ashamed.  I want them to know about our life so that I can help raise awareness and increase sensitivity.  I want them to know WHY I may not attend certain social functions or keep cancelling plans.  I want them to know WHY my son (or other children with special needs) acts the way he does so people don’t feel the need to secretly gawk.  I want them to know that when they see a child having a meltdown in a grocery store it would be more useful for them to offer to hold open a door, not whisper about “out of control brats & poor parenting”.  I want to help reduce prejudice & fight a lot of misinformation out there.  And also I just flat out like to talk… and this journey has give me a LOT to talk about!      

So Autism is obviously one of my major topics of conversation.  (By the way, it is a REAL mood killer at parties!)  Recently I have reconnected with a LOT of people from my High School via Facebook, and have told many of them about our new journey.  I say something to the effect of, “I am currently staying at home with my 2 boys ages 2.5 and 4 (only 17 months apart!!), one of whom has an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  It has changed our lives… and also opened some new doors for me.  I am becoming active in disability advocacy and special needs ministry.  I facilitate a support group for parents at my church (as a a layperson, but it is good to get to use my seminary training somehow!) and it has been an amazing experience.  I am also helping the church start a special needs ministry for the kids and I hope to work in a related area once the kids are older. “ 

So I am putting myself out there, taking the time to tell people what is going on with me.  I also take the time to ask about what is going on with them, too!  And you know what I get all too often?  SILENCE. 

Hello! It’s clearly marked RESERVED parking!

I recently obtained a Disabled Parking Placard to use when I am carting my son Percy around town alone.  It has already been a HUGE help.  I only wish I had know about it sooner!

Sometimes parking lots can be a NIGHTMARE when you have a child on the Autism Spectrum.  Percy likes to RUN AWAY.  This is because he, like many other children with an ASD, does not have an appropriate sense of danger, or  fear of being separated from his parents.  He often doesn’t respond well to verbal cues either, and keeps running when I see a Humvee bearing down on him and am frantically screaming “STOOOPPP!”  We have had lots of  heart-stopping moments.     

Then there is the whole meltdown issue.  Many a time at Preschool pickup I have wondered how on earth I am going to get my TWO boys all the way to the back of the parking lot.  I already have a tired & crabby Thomas & hands full of bags.  If you add a flailing-screaming-kicking Percy to that, it’s all over.  Carrying a child all the way across the parking lot in the midst of a meltdown is incredibly difficult (understatement).  Sometimes, when faced with a meltdown, I have simply had to sit in the Preschool lobby and wait it out, exhausted and helpless.  This can take a while. 

Hooray! It’s “Give Someone a Genuine Compliment Day”!

I am so excited that today is “Give Someone a Genuine Compliment Day“!  Haven’t heard of it?  Maybe that’s because I invented it.  Yeah, that’s right, I made it up… so what of it?  Today still ROCKS! 

This day is in part inspired by my 4-year-old, Thomas, who declared- “We love each other on Valentine’s Day!”   And then I started thinking… how often do we take time to REALLY love each other?

“Give Someone a Genuine Compliment Day” is also a positive alternative for those of you who HATE Valentine’s Day.  I have a few friends, single AND married, who were dreading today.  They HATE it.  I get that.  Single people who don’t want to be single are made to feel extra lonely on Valentine’s Day, and coupled people are under all this pressure to create the the perfect day and feel/be overtly romantic.  A woman is set up to be disappointed, and her man is set up to fail to meet her lofty expectations.  Feh.  Don’t get me wrong, I think romance is good and necessary.  But I also think romance operates better when it happens freely and spontaneously, and not under so much duress and expectation.

Let’s think beyond romantic love today.  I think it is also wonderful, and SO important, just be LOVING!

Pity Party

          

Put on your festive hat and pull out the confetti, ’cause we’re havin’ a pity party up in here!  Oh my WORD, Internets, I am needing some love.  My week STUNK!  LITERALLY!!!!!!

It all started with a fateful call to my SIL over a week ago, “Yeah, even though there is a lot of drama in my extended family right now… we are doing pretty good in my house.  I am on top of everything, and able to handle stress better than I used to.”  JINX!

I am happy to report that for the past 2 months Percy had been going through a pretty easygoing period.  I had just recently started to relax out of my manic “survival mode”… you know, the one where I am the Energizer Bunny & keep going going going.  But in that mode I got SO MUCH DONE!!!!  Problem is there is no middle ground for me, so after that I kind of stalled.  BIG mistake.  I got behind on housework and paperwork last week.  This has really come back to haunt me this week.

Things started getting complicated last Saturday when Percy turned back into his alter-ego, Bizzarro Percy  (I don’t mean that disrespectfully.  I am alluding to comic books… Superman and his alter-ego Bizzarro Superman).  At Music Class, which he LOVES, he had his worst episode EVER and it made me so sad & scared.  It hasn’t gotten much better from there.  He had been like this for about 2 months in Oct/Nov (which prompted me to go on anti-depressants), and then had those 2 good months.  So I guess I am in for 2 rough months again.  He is back to EXCESSIVE tantruming, hitting, biting, rigidity, destructiveness.  It in itself is exhausting.  

And of course Thomas was sick last Sunday, and then Thursday BOTH kids got sick.  Not only is that time-consuming and exhausting and you worry for your kids but it also ruins social plans.  And you know what, when you have kids with special needs you really NEED social activities.  No church last week OR this week, we had to cancel fun plans for last night AND tonight, AND it is 60 degrees outside and sunny and I am stuck inside with poop and puke!  POUT!!!!!!!

YES, that’s right, the vomit monster is back AGAIN!  Oh how I wish it was a 24-hour thing, but NO, it’s Rotavirus.  First Percy… in the church hall, then the church bathroom, then the car, then the bathtub, then the bed.  Oh, by the way, when Percy threw up in the church bathroom I called for help and the male youth minister came in to assist.  You should have seen the funny looks he got when he came out.  That is how rumors get started .  Seriously though, he is an awesome man, a real servant.  And then Percy threw up in the car on the way to the Pharmacy and I couldn’t do anything about it.  I rolled down the window to let the Pharmacist (who is my Buddy) see a dripping Percy, and he said, “Niiiiice!”

And now the Monster has moved on to dear Thomas.  At 1am this morning… and 1:30am… and 2am… and 4am.  Thank goodness for hardwood floors and my Shark Steam Mop.  Oh, and plastic gloves.  I had wanted to mop Thomas’s floor, but not at 2am!  Go, go Gadget Steam Mop!  To make things worse Percy has now graduated to the leaky and STINKY diarrhea while Thomas is puking so I have MASS QUANTITIES of laundry.  I hate messes. I am a germophobe.  I don’t think I will ever feel clean again. 

So anyway, the point is, I was already feeling sorry for myself  because my youngest kept trying to bite me and my house was a mess and I felt overwhelmed and my Christmas tree was still up and now I have EVEN MORE to deal with.  Such is life.  LOL, I guess I should be cleaning instead of blogging, huh?  But this is making me feel better.  But I am going to log off now and keep on dealing with my life and its drama.  Like Dory in Finding Nemo, I will “just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What can we do? We swim, swim…”

“You know, from this angle you kind of look like Polamalu!”

Last night was quite eventful for for our household.  The Steelers won the Super Bowl!!!!  Mapman was born in Pittsburgh so he was VERY excited!  Go here to see pictures of our cheering section.  Oh, my 4-year-old, Thomas, said that the “HICKS-burgh” Steelers were playing, so CUTE.  Well, I thought it was cute, anyway.  Mapman was VERY intent on correcting him.  Yeah.  Hardcore fan.  Let me give you a glimpse into what the rest of our evening was like… 

>>>>

Goldie:  “You know, it really would  be a great American story if the Cardinals won, seeing as how they have NEVER been to the Super Bowl and are such the underdogs.”

Mapman:  “No it wouldn’t!”

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Goldie:  “Hon, can you please record the game?”

Mapman:  “I could, thanks, but I don’t need to.  They’ll show highlights of the game later.”

Goldie:  *confused pause*  “No… I mean for me…  for the COMMERCIALS.”

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Goldie:  “Which commercial did you like the best?  The Pepsi one with the “I’m all right” dudes, the Potato Head one, or the one with the Transporter guy?”

Mapman:  “The Dorito’s one where the girl’s dress got ripped off.”

>>>>

 

He did like the Potato Head commercial, though.  He laughed a little too hard when her lips fell off and she couldn’t talk anymore. 

Before the game I had let my long-ish brown hair air dry all wavy and was wearing black & gold.  My husband walked by and said, “You know, from this angle you kinda look like Polamalu!”    NOT exactly the look I was going for.

Man, that 100-yd interception touchdown had me SCREAMING!  Mapman kept trying to shush me because he was afraid I was going to wake the baby AND he wanted to hear the announcers.

And can someone please go get the shock paddles, STAT?  Because I still don’t think my husband has recovered from the heart attack that he had during the 4th quarter.  Now THAT was some football!!!!

He was really happy, INCREDIBLY happy, when his team won.  It made me happy to see him happy… although it made me sad to see Kurt Warner sad.  I REALLY like Kurt Warner.  I think he is an awesome person and a great Quarterback.  But I like my husband even better than Kurt Warner.  So congratulations Pittsburgh!  Here we go, Steelers, here we go!!!!!!!!!

PS:  OH  my goodness, I can’t believe I forgot to mention Jennifer Hudson!!!   I was totally rooting for her.  This was her first public performance since her sad family tragedy, and she knew everyone knew it.  She looked SO nervous, took a deep breath… and KILLED it.  Home run.  (I am such a gooof!  Wrong game…)  TOUCHDOWN.  You GO, girl!!!   Dare I say a better National Anthem than Whitney?  I know you made your Momma proud.

My family and I rose for the anthem (I insisted), and as we stood there together, holding each other, I cried.  For her, but even more so, for my awesome Country.