“Come back in 2 years…”

I took my oldest son Thomas to a Developmental Pediatrician yesterday.  No official diagnosis.  Yet just last week my youngest was diagnosed as having an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  It’s funny how life is sometimes: Percy actually NEEDED a diagnosis to help him get the special-education preschool services he was being denied.  Thomas needs to NOT get a diagnosis because right now what is best for him is to be with his peers in a normal preschool setting.  But they didn’t say that he was NOT on the Spectrum.

The boys both loved the Amazing Lobby of Fun.  Yeah, I had to take BOTH boys.  Alone.  Fun.  Long story.  DH would have come if he could.  Anyway, the doctors were very kind, although this appointment took a LOT longer.  They actually did do aptitude tests and puzzles this time, unlike with Percy.  They asked a lot of questions and pored over all the documents I gave them.  I felt satisfied that they were very meticulous and thorough.  OH, and 3.5 year old Thomas impressed them so much with his puzzling skills that they said, “What he just did was a 4-year-old skill!”  Go Thomas!

Basically, they did not say that Thomas was NOT on the Spectrum.  They can see it.  He may have Aspergers, he may be OCD, he might just be quirky.  But he is also high functioning and they could tell that we have been trying to de-sensitize him so he can adapt to those things that scare him.  They said he doesn’t need nor would he qualify for goverment services (unlike Percy), although it might be helpful to do some work with an OT.  What he needs is to continue to be in a normal classroom setting so he can learn how to cope and also develop his social skills, and if he was labeled at this point it might hinder that. 

The Doctor said that at age 3 there is some overlap and it is hard to distinguish Aspergers from OCD and some other concerns. (Like maybe sensory integration problems?  I am kicking myself now that I totally forgot to bring up Sensory Integration Disorder to see what he thought about that.)  By age 5 it is easier to discern and diagnose when they have become more socially and cognitively developed.  So he said that even though Thomas does display signs of being on the high-functioning end of the Autism Spectrum it is too soon to tell.  If we still have concerns in a couple of years we can bring him back. 

Good, I guess.  Doesn’t that sound silly?  I have mixed emotions.  I actually do believe in my heart that there is something going on inside Thomas, that he is wired differently.  It’s not that I WANT him to be on the Spectrum, I am just concerned with his behavior and need an explanation for it.  It was helpful to me that the Doctor affirmed my concerns, echoed what I saw.  I was encouraged that he thinks Thomas will probably never need an IEP and that he will be able to lead a completely normal life.  That is what I had been hoping.  But I admit there have been times when my son’s anxieties and compulsions completely DISRUPT that “normal life” and all my worries threaten to overwhelm me.  Those are the days I have longed for a label to give me something to wrap my head around, even something to blame, something to be angry at. 

At one point the doctor actually asked me point blank, “Do you NEED a label?”  As in, what purpose would it serve?  I had to stop and think.  I did some real soul searching in that quick moment.  My answer was finally ”No”.  No labels today.  But if we ever have problems in the schools we will be back!