Sometimes in life there are rules, but we still have a choice as how to respond.  Two different situations at the mall, two very different responses that really stuck with me.  One made me feel a little queasy, the other made me grin from ear to ear.  It made me think about what impression I leave on other people.

I took my two pre-teen cousins to the mall yesterday along with my 2 boys.  Not an entirely self-less gesture, as I knew the girls would be of some assistance.  We ate food court Chick-Fil-A (yum!) and played at the play area.  The boys were having a BLAST, even if Percy did occasionally want to escape the confines of the structure and run the entire length of the mall (it’s what he does).  Three other pre-teen girls were also in the play area with the small children, running and laughing and playing tag, although they were not being rough.  My active boys thought it was hilarious and ran along with them, oblivious to the fact that the girls were not actually playing WITH them.  I thought it was cute, especially when the girls finally stopped to interact with my boys.  Another parent begged to differ.  After a few minutes of terse conversation with his wife he stomped over to the enclosure and informed the girls that they were out of line.  LOUDLY.  With an outstretched arm he pointed and bellowed, “The sign says this is for the little ones!”  

My cousins were scared to death.  “You’re okay,” I reassured them, “You are HELPING… just maybe don’t run!”  It became clear to me that the man’s daughter had been afraid of entering the play area because of all the running.  That was not good, I get why he was bothered… but he was SO bothered!  I then said to my girls,  “Let this be a lesson to you, girls… you can be right, but you can also be KIND about it.”  That man had chosen the rules and foregone compassion.  He had every right to ask the girls to slow down, but I think he could have used a more gentle touch.  They were NOT trying to be troublemakers, they were just being gleeful.  And that glee was sucked right out of them.  They sat on the benches looking positively wounded for several minutes and then left.  It hurt me to watch their faces.  The man, however, resumed his terse conversation with his wife and they continued to discuss the issue for a LONG time.  Let it go, dude.  Besides, it didn’t look like his little verbal smackdown had made him any happier in life.  And he had made a negative impact on those girls that day and probably made them lose a little bit more respect for adults.      

It made me think about all the times I get fiesty and stand up against perceived affronts and injustice.  Is that how I come across?  Angry, indignant, hard, and self-righteous?  It was a warning to me to try and also choose kindness during those moments.

By the way, as an aside, I have found that we see in people what we wish to see.  That man thinks teenagers are troublemakers so he didn’t see the joy that the playing girls were bringing to the other children around them.  I have worked with TOUGH teenagers before.  They rise to your expectations of them.  If you treat them like they are punks, they act like punks.  If you treat them with respect and a touch of humor it goes a LONG way, even while correcting their behavior.

So, on to story #2.  As we were leaving the mall my boys began to fight over the Caillou book from the Kid’s Meal.  Caillou is a new discovery for them, so they found it especially exciting.  And I only had ONE.  And my boys were DONE and close to meltdown.  I did not fancy having a scene in the middle of the food court so I walked up to Chick-Fil-A and asked if there was ANY way I could have ONE more Caillou book PLEASE, reminding them that I spent a lot of money on lunch, even if I did get only 1 Kid’s Meal.  The young man behind the counter looked slightly confused at me trying to break the rules and said, “It’s $1.”  He was right, those were the rules, and I was trying to break them.  “I don’t have a dollar, thanks anyway, I just thought I’d ask since my kids were fighting over it,” and I started to walk away.  “Ma’am”, he stopped me, “Don’t worry about it!” and he reached into his own wallet and took out a dollar to pay for the book.  I was stunned.  “REALLY?  No, you don’t have to do that, I was just asking, it’s ok, but thank you so much!”  He insisted and handed me Caillou.  Meltdown averted, kindness accomplished.  He made my day.  I saved the receipt so I can contact Corporate and sing his praises. 

Both men were right, but they responded very differently.  One chose to stay right, one chose to be kind.  They BOTH left lasting impressions on me, but one was positive and one was negative.  Chick-Fil-A man could have just frowned at me and said, “One toy per purchase!” and he would not have been wrong.  But instead, with a little flexibility, creativity, and generosity, he added some joy to the world.  And taught me a lesson I hope I do not soon forget.