Child Study Meeting

My head is spinning.  I just came back from a “Child Study Meeting” in order to begin the process of trying to receive preschool special education services for my two-year old son.  They did not actually study my child at this Child Study Meeting, they studied me.  BOY did they study me.  Now I know how the bug under the microscope feels.

First of all, I was under the impression that this would be a meeting for 3 people- me, my Early Intervention liaison, and the school’s special education representative.  I arrived and there were two extra women in the room- a speech therapist and a social worker(!).  THAT was unnerving.  Plus they began before my caseworker arrived so I knew no one.  Then after the meeting had already begun a man with a very strong presence (read: intimidating) came in and just started asking all kinds of questions.  I finally asked, “Who ARE you?”, because at first when he walked in I thought he was merely passing through but then he stuck around.  Turns out he was the psychologist.  Oh goody.  I would have had an easier time with all these people had I been emotionally prepared for that.  I thought it was to be a more informal information gathering session and then it would be passed on to the appropriate people.  I didn’t realize that I was going to have them present to immediately evaluate my words.

So I started the meeting a bit uncomfortable and it got worse from there.  They were all very kind and professional but the social worker was right in my line of sight and she had her “serious face” on.  I kept being afraid I was saying something that would make her want to take my child away from me, I swear, she was practically scowling.  Plus the more we talked and the more I learned about the red tape and entering my child into the school system for services the more I felt like I was giving the government way too much involvement in the life of my child.  I reassured myself with the knowledge that I do not have to do this right now and that I was merely in the preliminary phase of deciding what was best for Percy.

They peppered me with all kinds of questions.  “Does he have any unusual behaviors?”  “What made you first think there was a problem?”  “How long ago did you realize that something was unusual?”  I also offered up some unsolicited information that I knew was pertinent:  his excessive temper tantrums,  self-injuring behavior, his zoning out even when I make loud noises, not responding when I call his name, eating non-food items but NOT eating most foods… 

I continued to become more nervous.  I began to realize that what I found unnerving was the fact that they were giving me no feedback whatsoever.  I surmised that they had to be extremely cautious in what they said to me since they were supposed to be simply gathering information.  If they said anything at such an early stage that sounded like an evaluation it could complicate things.  They made sure they said things like, “IF he qualifies for services”.  But I still would have felt better if I had received a bit of human response and affirmation of the struggles I was facing, instead of wondering what they thought of all the things I was telling them.  I especially wondered what they thought when I told them how I have to lie Percy down when he is angry because if I place him in a seated position he hurts his head more when he bangs it on the floor .  And then I said, “I usually let him bang his head on the floor twice, so he learns consequences, and then I pick him up and make him stop.”  I don’t know if they liked that.  I would have loved some helpful suggestions or feedback at that point!      

The Speech Therapist was VERY warm and put me more at ease, but she asked the funniest question.  “What made you first think that your son had a speech disorder?”  I thought about responding, “Uh, he can’t talk!?!”  Instead I said that he babbled very little as a toddler, had limited consonants, and up until recently had only two words.  He also struggles very hard to form sounds, and when he does make an attempt it comes either with great effort as an “Uuuuuuuhhhh” or it sounds absolutely nothing like what he is trying to duplicate.  My first description of it would have been “aphasia”, except that term applies to adults losing the language ability they already had.  I found out later that the term for children is “apraxia”, but I am not sure if that is a proper description of the cause of Percy’s speech difficulties. 

We were nearing the end of our meeting and the social worker noticed that I had begun to have difficulty keeping track of all the information being thrown at me.  I was totally overwhelmed and could barely think.  She gently reminded me that I didn’t have to make any decisions today and affirmed that this is indeed a hard process to go through.  That little bit of human kindness made me lose my composure and my eyes started to mist over. 

At the end I finally just asked flat out what they thought.  The psychologist carefully responded, “He’s worth taking a look at.”  Fair enough, that was the most he could safely say.  At least I felt affirmed that I was in the right place and not wasting their time.  The next step would be an evaluation to asses if he qualifies.  To do that they will perform a speech evaluation, a social evaluation, and a “psych eval”.  They just threw that at me like it was nothing.  A psych eval.  My baby needs a psych eval.  That feels so wrong.  That is what they say in shows like “Law & Order” when they talk about the suspects, “Let’s get him a psych eval”.  But they were talking about my baby.

There is a twist- the evaluation has to be done within six months of when I want him to enter their program, but right now there is not much there for him because he is still young.  I found out the only services available for early 2-s is a playgroup 1 hour a week with a therapist, and to go to that he would have to STOP Early Intervention.  Why would I give up one-on-one Speech Therapy every week and twice a month Occupational Therapy for that?  I think I will wait until he is old enough to be in a classroom setting, hopefully after Christmas, and then proceed.  I think.  It’s a tough call and I walked out of there muddled by all the choices I have to make.  I was glad that I had taken the time beforehand to mentally catalog some of my concerns about Percy so that I would be more prepared.        

It was an important meeting to go to, but it was not easy.  On the way out my caseworker apologized that she forgot to tell me that there would be so many people in the meeting.  She also asked me if I was overwhelmed by all the information.  Yes!  I was mentally and emotionally spent.  So much so that I needed blogging therapy AND chocolate  — I was writing this blog entry in my head the whole way home and had to stop and get a Starbucks Mocha Frappucino and a cookie.  I hate giving Starbucks my money, it feels bad to pay so much for such naughty deliciousness.  But today being bad feels REALLY good.