My arm’s not broken! / Peace and Calm- Part II

As I wrote in the post Peace and Calm (important background for these musings), life was quite recently out of control.  And I kinda LOST control.  But I decided, in the midst of an excessive crying fit, that this was just how life was supposed to be.  I really wished for a BREAK in the tumult, yet I knew realistically that a respite just wasn’t gonna happen very often.  But I would find the strength to cope SOMEHOW, if I just asked for help.  I felt the presence of God that night and slowly my emotions began to settle.  But, as I wrote previously, “Little did I know that soon my rediscovered sense of peace and calm would be tested yet again.”  (Cue the foreboding music… Dum da DUMMM…)

In the two days following my crying fit I was trying very hard to be optimistic and productive… but NOT Supermom (what a relief!).  I re-read part of Corrie Ten Boom’s The Hiding Place  and was deeply touched yet again by her train ticket analogy.  Just what I needed to hear right now, I thought, that in moments of crisis God gives us the strength we need to endure.  

One afternoon later that week, while Percy napped, Thomas and I began to walk down the stairwell in our home.  My feet slipped out from under me and all my weight came crashing down on one elbow, hitting the hardwood floor.  I immediately started crying and praying, “Don’t be broken, PLEASE don’t be broken…”  My 3-year old son Thomas was TERRIFIED and kept saying, “I’ll kiss it, Mommy!  Mommy, I’ll kiss the boo-boo!”  PRECIOUS, sweet boy.  What a comfort.  He was very confused by the fact that I continued to cry after he had tried to soothe me.  He began repeating in a comforting voice, ”But MOMMY!  I kissed it!  It’s all better! I kissed it, Mommy!”

After a few frightened moments I finally worked up the nerve to move it.  The arm was sore and stiff but also moveable so I figured I was going to be fine.  I got up and began to move about the house, continuing to complete the tasks of the day.  Then slowly my arm began to tingle and stiffen up and I began to wonder if maybe there wasn’t a problem after all.  I was wearing long sleeves and had been afraid to pull up the sleeve to take a look for fear it would push against the elbow and hurt.  But I decided to risk it and went into the bathroom to use the mirror.

Everything from that point on is a blur.  What I saw in the mirror immediately made me gasp aloud and caused the room to start spinning.  I was only able to look for a moment and then my eyes closed in shock and disgust.  My elbow had only a small abrasion but was grotesquely swollen with one large bubble on the side.  I was SURE I had a bone chip or a compound fracture, it looked that nasty.  The pain of my arm combined with the shock of thinking my body was broken sent my digestive system into turmoil.  And the room was still spinning.  And at that very moment my son came running up to me announcing that he had wet his pants.

I didn’t know what to do first.  I wandered around the house, gasping, trying to remain upright long enough to find clean underwear and pants.  No easy task, because of course it was laundry day.  I finally fixed Thomas’s problem, but still had to attend to my own.  I needed a doctor, and there was no way I could drive myself there.  I also needed childcare.  My husband and my mother were both 45 minutes away, and I REALLY did not want to have to wait that long to leave and get treatment.

I had to think fast, despite the fact that I was about to faint AND throw up.  With two quick phone calls my husband and mother were soon rushing to our home.  But I still desired more immediate help, especially if I fainted.  The first friend I called was really sick and could not help.  Most of my other friends had babies who were napping.   I found it hard to think.  I walked over to my next door neighbor’s front porch, holding myself upright by leaning on her railing.  I must have been a strange sight.  “Hello?” she asked, questioningly.  I then proceeded to lie on her couch so as not to fall over because her den had suddenly started to turn black.  I asked for her opinion regarding whether or not I needed a doctor, pulling up my sleeve.  Her horrified reaction confirmed it.  She offered to watch my boys in 15 minutes, just as soon as she got her daughter off the bus.  I felt relieved, but I still needed a ride.  

This is where it gets REALLY cool.  I called another neighbor (one of my prayer angels from Part I) who I figured couldn’t help because of her schedule, but I felt compelled to try anyway.  It turned out as soon as she got her son off the same bus she was HEADED TO MY DOCTOR’S OFFICE BUILDING anyway.  WOW.  Honestly, at this point I was already impressed at myself and how well I had managed to problem solve and manage things, despite my physical and emotional complications.  I was now also amazed at how well the puzzle pieces had fit together.  It felt Divinely arranged.  I called my husband’s cell, asking him to meet me at the doctor’s instead of home, left my neighbor with my children until my Mom arrived, and off I went.

As I rode in the car, holding ice on my arm, I marveled at what had just happened.  First of all I REALLY sensed God at work, helping me get the help I needed, WHEN I needed it.  Secondly, I was awed at how I had been able to stay so calm and clear-headed in the midst of all the pain and commotion.   Then I began to wonder what I would do if my arm was indeed broken.  How would I care for my babies?  Yet I felt really peaceful about it, and knew that I would be able to find a way to deal with whatever was wrong.  Even in that moment of fear and uncertainty I felt the spirit of God ministering to me and giving me peace.   I was keenly aware that I was having yet another train ticket moment.  Sitting in that car in pain, holding ice on my arm, I actually felt blessed.  NOT angry that God had allowed yet another difficult thing happen to me after such a tumultuous weekend, not angry that I could not seem to find an end to the drama in my life.  I FELT BLESSED.

The good news?  An X-ray revealed that my arm was NOT broken, even though it REALLY looked like it was.  But BOY was it bruised.  The injury has still not completely healed and still hurts and stiffens some, even several weeks later.  MORE good news?  It turns out I really had learned my lesson about keeping a sense of peace and calm in the midst of the storm, although I still shake my head at the fact that the arm episode occurred on the heels of so much other disorder in my life.  But I think one reason that happened was to give me a chance to put my new revelations into practice.  The BEST news?  God is true to his word and keeps his promises. 

I feel so blessed to know, from experience, that God really will be there when I am in need, to guide and comfort me when I get a boo-boo.  I am also comforted to know that my Thomas will be there to kiss it.  Between those two it really does make it “all better”.